Yesterday, Paige was playing with her friend Sophia. I let them get out the Halloween stuff. She saw the pumpkin pictures and asked if she could have them. Then she came up asking for tape. Then she came up asking for scissors for the tape. I didn't worry about the scissors because she uses them often. A bit later, Sophia came upstairs with her hand over the side of her hair. Paige came behind holding her hair and confessed "Mommy, sorry we cut our hair." While I was concerned about Paige, I was MUCH more worried about the neighbor girl. Her hair was much longer and she hacked a good 4 inches behind her ear along with her bangs. Paige cut part of her bangs completely off. Then took a chunk out on both sides of her hair. When I asked her why she did it, she explained.

"My hair was in my face. So I cut it." Not sure why it progressed to more. It must have gotten fun at that point. Still, it's hard not to laugh knowing she was trying to solve a problem. She just didn't choose the best solution. Luckily, Sophia's mom was cool about it and came over to show us Sophia's new hair.

My Climber boy

It's in the genes. Greg and I were both monkeys as kids and now we have our own. Tyson latest ventures include climbing into his crib, climbing on the table, and now climbing up the swingset and going down the slide without any help. I have to wrap a rope around my table and chairs to keep him off. It didn't take him long to realize that the bar stools weren't roped and Greg found him on the island eating something. He is so much fun and I laugh at his eagerness to tackle new hurdles. One day, he made it up on the table and proceeded to dance a happy dance to rub it in that he made it. I love this little boy!

Oregon 2010

We had a reunion in Oregon this last week. I've just read Megan's post and love all the old pictures of "going home" that she pulled out. Mom always called it that because it was where she grew up. The trip was a lot of fun and not as difficult as I anticipated since I went solo with my three kids.

The trip brought out some unexpected feelings in me. It gave me new perspective on remembering my past. We went to Oregon every summer at least. Usually I stayed with a sister or two for a couple of weeks. I loved seeing my cousin Joanna. We spent hours playing in the ditch, walking the canal, or stomping down wheat to make a fort. I can still see Grandma cooking eggs on the stove for a big breakfast while we all sat around her small table. I can remember sunlight streaming in her windows and making rainbows all over her carpet. We played Husker Du a million times and tried to stack playing cards into houses on her floor. I can hear the creak of her old wooden steps and see the view of the farm from the attic window. All that is changed now.


Looking up the road to Grandma's house and land.


My cousin Joanna and her new baby "little Don".

I drove by her farm and my heart sunk. From the main road looking up, it still looks very similar to my childhood. The same land, same grove of trees hanging over the road. But as I approached, it was difficult to see the changes to the house and yard. I didn't want to look. I just want to remember it the way that it was. I guess I just never realized that those memories would stop being made. Going to Oregon was just something that we did every year. My grandpa died when I was around 17 years old. I don't even know the last time we had been there previous to that. I went up a couple years later for my cousin's wedding around 1994 or so. Then that was it. Grandma got alzheimer's and moved down here. I didn't return to Oregon until her funeral in 2005 and that was for one brief day in early December. I didn't keep in touch with my cousins very well. Facebook has helped us reconnect.

When mom told me about the reunion, I really wanted to go this time. I wanted to see this special place. It felt so good to drive those roads and to see the parts that are still the same. It seemed like FOREVER driving in "to town" when I was a child. In reality, it took about 10 minutes. I loved seeing my cousins and their children. I loved watching our children play together. Paige ran around all day with the "girl herd".

Loni and Tonya's place.


Aunt Carolyn's farm.

We had a great time visiting at Loni and Tonya's. Loni made the kids snow cones and they chowed them down. We spent all day Saturday at Aunt Carolyn's. All six of her kids were there, all five of Mom's girls, and Aunt Sharon with her daughter Shannon. I renewed friendships and learned more about lives that I hadn't really been a part of for fifteen years or more. The kids were great the whole time. I was up bright and early Sunday morning to drive home. I was surprised by how well my kids did on the drive home. We were eager to see Daddy and to hear about his weekend riding at the Fire on the Water event.

When I returned home, I found myself very emotional. There is something so peaceful about the countryside. I almost detested driving through our cramped city and longed for a little space to roam. I felt so connected to that place again. I don't want to forget that feeling. I don't ever want to forget Oregon and the memories growing up. I hope to return often with my children to watch them make their own special memories. As the week has progressed, I've sunk back into my daily routine and adjusted back to city life, but I loved my time in Vale.


The little trouble makers.


I love my cute boy!


Preston with his favorite cousin, Logan.


Paige playing with her cousins.

A 2-wheeler bike!

Paige can ride a 2-wheeler bike! We were out running errands on Saturday and on the way home she asked “Mommy, when we get home can we take my training wheels off and ride my bike?” I was a little surprised by her request, but told her we would. The last time we tried, she got upset real fast and begged to have the training wheels put back on. So, while Daddy went to the store, we set out to practice riding a bike. She got on it and started peddling. I ran beside her with my hand on her back. I let go a couple times and she swerved a little. The second attempt, I was able to completely let go and by number three she had it down. She was so proud of herself. Especially, because this meant she earned a new basket and a bell for her bike. The next day, I asked if she wanted to ride and she cheered so loud. I love it. I love seeing that excitement on her face and pride in her accomplishment. She learned to start on her own and is turning around in the street. I am so proud of my cute little girl.

Self indulgence is a good thing

That's right, it's a good thing. When I indulge, I am enjoying the little things in life. This is because I appreciate being able to. I am learning that many of the things worth getting in life require self discipline and self control. Indulgence is the opposite of these traits so why is it so good? Well, it depends on how you look at it and how you handle it. The two areas I have worked on controlling most in my life are food and money. It's funny how these two things are so related. Calories are like money- you want calories in to be less than calories out. Whereas with money, you want dollars in to be greater than dollars going out.

I first started “eating right” after I had Paige. I have never been really heavy, but the same principles apply regardless of where you are on the scale when you start. Jen introduced me to eat2get fit. You can find it here (and I can get you 2 weeks free). I learned what foods make up our diet and which are the good ones to eat. Over time, I started thinking about different combinations and made my own recipes. It was a tough change, but now it's so normal to me. I eat five times a day and all the meals on the website are interchangeable. I lost 19 inches in 9 weeks that year. Five inches came off my waist. At the age of 30, I weighed 15 lbs less than I did for most of my twenties and I felt great. I gained a little back but maintained a healthy weight. With my third baby, I was eager to kick it into gear again and this time I lost 20 lbs in about five months. It's amazing what you can do with some self discipline and a little time. I continue to eat this way and exercise even though I'm at the weight I want. I feel healthy and capable.

However, I need my indulgences to keep me going. This is where it gets fun. I get to choose my indulgence. I get to think about it carefully and decide where I'm going to splurge. And I deserve it because I have worked so hard every other day of the week. My usual indulgences are chocoloate- especially cadbury mini eggs. That's a once a day thing usually. My other is Oreos. They are harder to resist every time I open my pantry. The trick is that once I indulge, it's over. I have to jump back into discipline and keep myself from continuing. Last night, my treat was an apple from Rocky Mountain Candy co. Carmel dipped, then white chocolate, then Oreo. It was divine. So yeah, I'm a little obsessed with dessert, but that's because I give myself a reason to deserve it.



Before and After pics from August 2009 and January 2010. I have maintained my loss.


The other area, finance, is equally tough and requires attention. I remember looking into budgets, but never found a way to do it that worked for me. I found Dave Ramsey made the most sense and began a budget on paper and working his total money makeover. Then Jen introduced me to YNAB software. You can find it here (and get a free week trial). I absolutely love this budgeting software. I plan every penny that I'm going to spend at the beginning of every month.

What I love most about this guy's plan is that he recommends living on last months income. You save money in a buffer each month and figure out what you need for an entire month. When you hit that amount, you live on it for that month, and your paychecks that come in get forwarded to next month. So, on July 1, I have all the money in my account from my June paychecks available for my budget. The beauty of it is that my entire month's budget is sitting in my account at the first of the month with a FINITE dollar amount. I can budget every penny because I know exactly how much I have. No waiting for the next paycheck before I can buy groceries. I don't have to guess at what we'll make that month because it's already there. I also don't have to worry about bouncing a check or using any overdraft. I have a one month buffer. Seriously, it is the coolest thing and gives me a lot of peace of mind. Of course, it doesn't work without discipline. I have to stick to the numbers I choose. If I spend more somewhere, I have to sacrifice in other places.

The indulgence side comes from budgeting for indulgence. Yep, I get my blow money each month that I can spend on whatever I want- and I don't feel guilty for spending it. Not that I budget a huge amount. Also, we are better able to save using these methods so when it comes time to spend on something, we can get good quality and enjoy spending because we have saved for it.

Indulgence and self-discipline are opposites, but we need them both. The indulgence has to come with moderation or it can take over. Sadly when we let it take over, we are not happy. I am amazed by the feelings of confidence I have because of daily discipline. Many would say that they aren't motivated to eat right or budget. Well, motivation is emotional. We can't depend on our emotions to move us through temptations and struggles. We have to simply make a choice. Once you make that choice to eat better, exercise, or control your finances, you have to keep going. It's the same choices made EVERY DAY that lead to success. Then indulge a little, savor it, and get back on track. It can be hard, but so worth it.

What do you struggle with? What obstacles keep you from disciplining yourself? Have you felt the satisfaction I'm talking about? What success have you had?

Thoughts on parenting

I generally only post about events that happen, but today I just wanted a place to share some thoughts.

Different events that have happened over the last few months have made me think about a few things. I've realized that the greatest joys in life come from our relationships with others, particularly our families. I haven't always gotten along perfectly with my family, but I like to think that we have good, respectful relationships. My relationships with my children are so special to me as well. They give me an opportunity to look at myself and examine what kind of example I am and how well I am teaching them.

I love the book Scream Free Parenting by Hal Runkel. The main premise of the book in stressful situations, we generally have an initial emotional reaction. The heat wells up within us and we REACT. These situations tend to come often and without warning when dealing with children. We say things like “don't make me mad” or we simply yell at them and try to force them into compliance through fear. I can sadly admit to yielding to the emotional reaction, hence the need for this book.

Anyway, the author teaches how to first control your emotional reaction and then respond to the situation. This is SO HARD. I have been practicing for months and I still fail. However, I have learned a great deal about my children and how they respond to me. For instance, I've found that when I react emotionally, my daughter in particular, reacts even more emotionally. The situation escalates and resolution is long, drawn out, and difficult. However, when I can calm myself first and respond in a normal tone, she often listens, obeys, and goes on her way. So how do you discipline if you don't yell? You let the consequences do the talking. One warning, then the consequence- usually a time-out (one minute per year for the age of the child) or taking away a toy or whatever. But YOU remain calm. It has been an interesting experiment to watch my children's reactions to my own calm. Unfortunately, it has been hard to maintain. But then, change can be difficult, especially when it is ingrained in you to react. But I believe people can change and that we can always be working on becoming better at something- especially relationships.

That brings me to the other part of the book that affected me. It was an exercise focused on the future. He asked the reader to picture their children in 10 years, 15 years, as adults. He walked through questions to help me think about the kind of relationships I want to have with them.

Wow. You mean my kids are going to grow up? There will come a time that I am the “mother-in-law”, “grandma”, and eventually “great-grandma”? Whoa. That seemed to far way to even think about. At the same time, it wasn't that hard to think about what I want. I want strong, confident, children who aren't afraid of the world. I'm not picky about whether or not they go to college, I just want them to be happy. I want them to know that I believe in them no matter what they want to do and that I believe they can achieve anything. They will always have my support and understanding. I want our relationship to be one of respect and understanding. Hopefully they will feel that they can talk to me about any concern that they have. I want to respect their marriages and boundaries, but still be involved in their lives. I will celebrate their successes with them and cry with them if they fail. I will encourage and uplift and let them always know how proud I am of them.

The interesting thing as I did that exercise was realizing how much of that I can do right now. That right now I have the power to decide how our relationships will be in the future. I pray for the strength and control to recognize that emotional reaction and to calm my anxiety. This book has opened my eyes and given me a new perspective on how I handle all situations that generate that reaction. I don't always know how to react, but I certainly do better when I am calm than when I am filled with the fire.

Has anyone else read this book? Have you thought about your relationships with your own children?

To blog or not to blog

I have mixed feelings about the whole blog thing. I am a social person. I love to talk to people and hear about there lives and tell them about mine. But blogging doesn't feel social to me. It feels like talking to the whole world and no one is listening. Who am I really doing it for? I deleted my blog awhile ago because of this and now I have undeleted it, but I remain undecided on how to proceed. I look at other people's blogs on occasion, but don't always comment. I enjoy "seeing" what is going on in your lives, but I miss "hearing" what is going on. It's like the blog takes the conversation out of our lives. While it is out there for all to see, I feel even more isolated. It's like if you know what's going on already, there's no need to talk. I don't know. I just don't know where to go from here.